It's been ages since I've blogged. I had my reasons for stopping and I can't say why here. It's so ironic, how you write a public blog but yet, you can't release all the information publicly - that's what I feel at least.

Yet today, here I am writing again realizing why having a blog was so good before - I could channel all my anger, frustrations and sadness (or of course my happiness, achievements etc...) to a place where I think I would be heard.

There are times when I feel so trapped with almost no one to talk to when I need comfort most- sure I have plenty of friends to hear me out but I don't expect them to be at the right place, at the right time, no do I feel like dragging them into my sinkhole. So this is where it all ends up. Here. The place where people can choose to read and sympathize or, speed through it, ignore it and close the browser. I realize that It doesn't matter if people read it or not because the writing process somewhat leaves my mind in more clarity than before.

So here I am again, typing as tears of despair attempt to spillover the eyelid reservoir. I'm marginally holding back against an emotional outburst. These few days, I've come to learn a valuable lesson - Things which are done, can't be undone.

I know, it's something we hear all the time. The funny thing is, I've always gotten away with the things I've done wrong, so at the end of the day, I get the illusion that everything was alright and what was done was 'reconcilled'. How silly of me because I've really done it this time...I've pissed someone I love off and almost sealed a failure on one of my units.

CHERISH WHAT YOU'VE GOT BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU WILL LOSE IT
WHATS DONE CANNOT BE UNDONE

I've read it sooooo many times on different blogs, I can even remember a parable which was preached months ago. It was about a man who said things which hurt people, felt guilty and went to a priest for forgiveness (pretty much like me minus the last part). The priest told him to take a pillow and scatter the feathers in the middle of a windy town square - so that's what the man did. When he went back to the priest, the priest told him to go back out and collect the feathers and of course, he couldn't. Then the priest explained that hurtful words, like feathers, have been said and passed from one place to another. Once the words have been said, the damage is done, you just can't take it back...

*sigh*If I only remembered

Yes, I've really screwed up this time. I know. And I've probably pissed tons of my friends off before too. So this goes out to everyone. I do not expect forgiveness be as readily given as the insincere 'sorry' (though I've always meant it when I've said it). So I'm changing in hope that my actions, will speak louder than my words. Until then, you have my sincerest of sorrys...